True North Missionaries Journal

I’ve lost it.

Somewhere in the last few months I’ve changed. Now, I don’t consider change in and of itself to be an inherently good OR bad thing, but this most recent internal change has probably been for the worse (for lack of a more appropriate, less subjective word). My circumstance has changed, and as a result, so have I.

I need to find it.

—

Over the past few months I’ve sort of been left to my own devices. Hannah, my girlfriend of 9 years has moved to Vancouver for the mission, and I’ve fully transitioned into the SFC ministry, which means that I don’t see my main circle of friends from the CFC-Youth Area Core as often as I was used to. As a result of both of these major changes in my life, my prayer life has taken a severe hit.

Without being constantly surrounded by the individuals that I’ve journeyed with for the past few years, I’ve found myself standing in still waters. Ambiguity aside, I basically haven’t been seeking the Lord as actively as I could have been. I feel like I’m not being challenged.

I miss having good ol’ fashioned God talks. Random conversations that lead to sharing about how the Lord reaches out to us personally, it means the most hearing these stories from the people I love.

So as luck would have it, today, one of my oldest friends in the community, Ellish Maigue-Talacca (one of True North’s newest Full-Time Pastoral Workers) called me randomly while she was in a McDonalds and we ended up having a good talk for about 2 hours, the entire time we spoke I felt at home.

Even though Ellish is currently in Vancouver and I’m home in Montreal, I experienced the joys of the community expressed through the simple act of conversation. Ellish was able to challenge me because I invited the Lord into that conversation, and after hearing Ellish recount her adventures of Full-Time training in the Philippines and other random anecdotes, I was once again filled with inspiration and hope that this community will continue to challenge me as a man of God, regardless of circumstance.

I’ve lost my goodness, but I trust that the Lord will help me find it in this community.

– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”

I recently started doing the 33 Days to Morning Glory and this formula discussed by St. Maximilian Kolbe caught my attention.

W + w = S (God’s will + our will = Sanctity)

According to the book of Romans, God is calling us to be saints. As St. Kolbe discussed, in order to be saints, our will should be united to God’s will. After reading this, I saw myself reflecting on these questions: What is God’s will? What is our will? What is my will? Is my will in the direction to God’s will? Is my will united to God’s will?

This equation seems so simple but in reality it’s not easy. Most of the time, we have the tendency to follow our will because sometimes we see it as the “right” thing to do. Sometimes we follow our will because that’s what the world tells us to do so.  Sometimes we follow our will because it’s the “easy way out.” Then we forget about God’s will. I, myself, am at fault for this.

I am a very controlling person, in a way that I plan my day. Sometimes, I even write a schedule to my day and if something goes wrong, I get upset. If I am given a schedule, I am always so anxious to follow it. I am also an over-thinker. I think too much of what’s happening that most of the time I forget the reason why I am doing it. Sometimes, I don’t even finish certain things because I think way too much. Sometimes, I tend to over-schedule my day and make it so tight. Or even in things that I do, for example, in planning my day, if something goes wrong, I feel upset because it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to wanted. But is that what really matters? What if the way I wanted it to happen is not the way God wanted it to do so? What if because I think too much, I’m not giving space for God’s message to be revealed? Most of the time, I think I forget about this, I forget about God’s will and plan, which are the most important things that I should always be remembering.

This made me realise that I should be more sensitive to God’s calling and plans. I should learn to live my day not according to my plans but to God’s plan. If something goes wrong, I should not feel upset because maybe that incident needed to happen because God wanted it to happen. What made the day wrong maybe will be the one to actually make it right. Everything happens for a reason, may it be good or bad. There is always a learning experience from it. In fact, every single moment of our lives is a learning experience given by God, a learning experience that should be applied not only to our lives but to the rest of the world.

This is such a good reminder for me to always surrender myself to Him. In making decisions or plans, to remember to ask myself, “What would God do? What would He want to happen?” Because at the end the day, we are still called to be saints. We are called to unify our will to God’s will. 

Lord, please let Your thoughts be my thoughts, Your words be my words, Your actions be my actions, and Your will be my will. Amen.

 

 

Over the weekend I got to witnessed my cousin on his wedding day. First of all, I have such a weak side for weddings. The last wedding I went to was  my elder sister’s wedding in Mexico. I don’t know were I should start with all that happened over the weekend with my family and newly added Big sister!

Let’s put it like this! Even know I am catholic and our new sister is Baptist. That did not make any difference when it came to the wedding. The wedding was in a church, vows were said in front of God, they took their first meal of bread and wine as a couple. All I can say this is going to be another blessed couple and family when they do decide to have children. All I know God is really is Amazing God for bring this two together in the way he did. God works in the Crazies of ways.

I would never thought that Justin would be all emotional or that deep in his vows or during his wedding. When he saw his bride to be Julie walking down. And all I saw tears came down (one thing I love to do at weddings is to look at the groom and see his emotions come out when he sees his bride first time in the dress and the last time as his fiancé. And know from that point of time is when they will become one instead of two in this world and the next.) All I go to to say is that they are perfect for one another and I wish them all the best on their new journey that they have said yes to.

Holy Family, please guide and help Justin and Julie on their new journey in life as a new couple and always keep them pointed to our Father and to one another. Amen

#SHouToutSeries

What am I sacrificing?

This is something I haven’t stopped asking God since that fateful day in April 3 years ago when I received His first prompting to go out and find Him in the Philippines. I asked again on May 25, 2012- after I gave a session for 2000 youth. I still asked Him on February 10, 2013 moments before submitting my MV application.  The same words resounded from the deepest parts of me, yet again earlier this year as I resubmitted my application as a Continuing MV.

I’ve heard enough stories from co-missionaries to be aware of the expectations; letting go of your dream career, rocking the family boat, #materialgainz, a life of comfort, etc. I anticipated the cut, but nothing could have prepared me for the rain that came and stayed in my life.

When there’s a pull from one direction, expect a push from the other.
#simplelifefacts

As I mentioned in my previous #SHoutOutSeries post, there were 2 things that God revealed. The second (Build Me) involved two strong images- a ladder, and a series of houses.

When we give Jesus our yes, he hands us a box. We have to fill this box with the things we love most; a cross shaped key unlocks our hearts and out pours the contents (good and bad). Most of us only give one thing at a time knowing that there’s so much more hidden in the corners. No worries though, Jesus just smiles back. He takes the contents and puts it behind him. We never see anything else- just the exchange between Jesus and fellow servants.

The frustrating part  for us is that it feels as if the exchange never ever ends. God always ends up finding more things hidden in the cracks and crevices of our hearts. ‘Oh no, not this one’ we think to ourselves. But Jesus continues to just smile as if to say, “Only when you’re ready...” 

Our sacrifices become the building blocks to a staircase that leads to heaven. The more we humble ourselves, the bigger the brick. The greater the sacrifice, the stronger the cement that holds it together. That’s how it works.

Changing people is strictly God’s business, and that’s what He allowed to happen through me when I emptied myself out of….well, myself. Every time I declined a drink at a party, three leaders who wanted to step down were reinspired and decided to stay in the community. Every moment I denied myself a cigarette (#confessionsofanExSmoker) a group of individuals gained confidence to serve for a higher calling *cough* Mission Volunteer Program. When I denied myself of my own worldly desires, desires of the flesh…I allowed God to use me as His instrument.  A perfect vehicle for God’s love is a heart that has been placed in the burning furnace of His own heart.

So many beautiful and wonderful things have grown out of this community. Where we are right now, are fruits of the sacrifices from previous missionaries (even well before the MV program was created)- the original Canadian trailblazers. Maybe their sacrifices didn’t feel like it led to anything back then, but man- look at where our country is now- We have approximately 50 missionaries!!!! The lives that have been changed, families that have been renewed, marriages that have been spared divorce, singles that have found their true love, men and women who have pursued  religious orders…these are just a few things that have been borne out of someone else’s SACRIFICE.

Giving the Lord our Yes means that He can collectively take our hearts and make a house built on love– His house, where those who are wandering and lost can find shelter and comfort. I am where I am because someone else before me decided to dedicate their life to Christ. I have learned to love God because someone else used their life to witness to his saving power and grace.

Love transforms. Love heals. Love binds us and holds us together. Love allows us to find hope in this world.

To live is Christ, to die is gain(Phil 1:21)

And the next day after, when all 18 MVs attended mass God greeted us with nothing but joy & peace. From start to finish, the mass was centred on building blocks, foundations, and dwelling places.

Lord, thank you for being our dwelling place secure and for the gift that is my service in this community. Amen.

It’s been a few weeks. But trust me, I have a few blogs lined up for this week to catch up on. What can I say, since my last post (Before MV Shout) a lot was going on…since MV Shout, so much more has been going on in my Faith journey.

“…And behold, you shall be silent and unable to speak until the day when these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time.”
-Luke 1:20

I remember right after our MV Shout, I was really uplifted, just ready to serve the Lord. I was sure of the path that I wanted to take in this following week. Boy, did the Lord have plans for me. You know how it is. The Lord giveth, the Lord Taketh away. That’s exactly what He did with what I wanted.

Allow me to let me share with you a very personal experience and encounter with the Lord.

Literally a few days after MV Shout, I really took it upon myself to go out with a friend of mine and just chill, have dinner. Here’s the thing. I was so excited with my own selfish desires again, completely forgetting to rely on the Lord in just being able to keep my head straight; to be emotionally chaste with the intentions of just being friends.

I remember being so excited, looking forward to every second of that day. There was so much to talk about, to catch up on…then the morning of came, and BOOM. I couldn’t hear out of my left ear at all..

I tried everything in the last few hours before our scheduled time to meet, but nothing worked. Even my right ear was starting to go fuzzy. The entire time, it was hard to keep a conversation. It was hard to listen to whatever this person was saying. I was dreading it…as the day went on, I was asking the Lord why…out of all these days, why today. The Lord decided to really teach me a lesson in humility…Heck, this day I planned for just the two of us ended up to 4 of us… (BUT Praise God for you guys if you read this. It really really did reveal something to me)

Okay, so all this happened…that sucks…what could you possibly get out of this?

Though my plans didn’t fall through, the Lord’s voice fell on my own deaf ears. I remember going home, so distraught, only to finally find personal prayer time and the Lord telling me, “Really appreciate the value of who you are with because I reside in them. You’ve been wondering why it seems like I’m not speaking to you..so you yearn, but it was really you not listening to the very truth you did not want to hear and accept. I have plans for you, but only will they flourish if you let me into your heart. No one else for now.”

There it was. My last post I was yearning to find something…but all this time, I just wasn’t listening. So the Lord did what He needed to do, and I’m happy He did so. Vocation can wait. I have all the time in the world to pray for that. Mission is now.

Praise God. I’ve been tying myself down with getting caught up in my vocation that I forgot my vocation right now is the calling to love EVERYBODY, and not just one person at this point.

So, there it is. Not gonna lie, I was really uncomfortable finding the words to explain this experience. OH, I went to the doctor and got the medication and all that stuff. I can hear again. But boy, how coincidental   providential that was.

Oh man. Pray for me! I surely will do so for you! The Lord is great.

Deo Gloria

 

Last weekend, I had the privilege of serving at Halton’s camp. Before I get into it, let me just say that I went into this camp without expectations. It surprised me nonetheless, to discover that 80% of the service team were first timers. It was every facilitator’s second time at a camp; the last time they were participants.

Where do I even begin?

The camp itself was amazing. The Lord continued to remind us to trust Him, despite all of the time constraints we began to feel. But this camp, from all the camps I’ve been to, was a little different. Okay, it was very different.

Despite the few bumps we encountered at the beginning, everything was going relatively smooth. A few very subtle glimpses of spiritual warfare, but nothing different from what would be experienced at most camps. It wasn’t until after Tongues Workshop where we started seeing not only red flags, but flashing lights. Three out of the four sister facilitators exited the cabin after the Tongues Workshop and to say they were distraught would be an understatement. They sat there huddled in a small circle on the grass crying, and one by one, myself and two of the other leaders took them aside. The sister I spoke to shared with me what she experienced and how it simultaneously terrified her and made her doubt herself. I cried with her as I held her, and then I began to smile as I told her that this means she’s doing something right. “It means that there is greatness inside of you, and he (the devil) is trying to keep it hidden.”

Directly after, we were called back into the lodge for an emergency service team meeting. We sang Fearless, but something different happened. Afterwards, in the silence, a voice came booming. Filling the room. It was one of the sisters, but as she spoke, I knew it was no longer her.

“I will never, ever, let anything touch you.”

Me typing that here did it no justice. How it sounded was like this: I WILL NEVER. EVER. LET ANYTHING. TOUCH YOU.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but you know Aslan (the lion)? Well for the past several months, God had embraced me, cried with me, held me, kissed my forehead, and danced with me. But at that moment, God… oh man… He was…God. GOD. It was as though we were getting attacked, and this monolithic lion jumped out in front of us and let out this massive, earth-quaking roar. A lion is still a lion. As I had gotten closer to God, and much as the children of the movie grew close to Aslan, they became comfortable (rightfully so), curling up next to the lion as they slept, embracing the lion, laughing with him, etc. But, when it was time for battle… the lion was still a lion.

Oh, how He protects us.
Stay close to Him and fear not.