True North Missionaries Journal

I got this uneasy feeling going on. Sort of, discomfort you can say. Its my first year being a Chapter Head and oh man..the experiences I’ve been able to be a witness or be involved in directly, is way tougher and requires much much more attention than any other service role I’ve been given before.

BUT I know this feeling is a good thing because the Lord constantly will continue to leave us in uncomfortable positions to make us better. To constantly remind ourselves that this discomfort will only be turned to comfort when we seek Him in all things. 

Simple right?

You’ve heard it many times. The Victory has already been won! Rejoice already! Yes, the road to whatever ahead of our service is always going to be tough, but the Lord is already greater than that. (Now, I just have to remind myself that)

So yeah, pray for the Chapter of Burnaby’s First EVER Leaders Enrichment Retreat! Also, our camp coming up a couple weeks after!

Lord, allow me. Amen. 

Deo Gloria 

Have you ever had a moment when you’re just sitting and then you remember something funny that happened to you and you just laughed wherever you are, and people are just staring at you wondering what you were thinking? That’s how I felt at adoration these past few weeks, as the guy who just had a funny moment or something eventful happen.

The Lord revealed to me water during my reflection time with Him.

Why water?

Sometimes we just need to follow the Lord like a plank of wood on flowing water. But when it comes to big decisions we have to go deeper. This is when I realized that discerning big decisions are like rapids. When on top of rapids its all so rough with water splashing from all the different rocks, making it difficult to make big decisions, but if you were under the water the current is peaceful, calm and free flowing as if nothing were in the way, and this where the Lord wants us to be when making big decisions.

I’ve been discerning a lot of many things in my life right now. For example where to work during the school year, trying to figure out what to sacrifice in order to do other things. I have also been discerning what do for my service in the next few months. To either continue serving the Lord in CFC-Youth or to continue serving the Lord in SFC.

For the longest time I have been struggling with this decision. There are 3 things that I have realized during this discernment period.

1. Be indifferent
If there is one thing that the devil loves the most is when you (and I) are indecisive. In these moments is where we become idle and end up not following the path laid that has already been laid out for the Lord.

2. Just decide
Sometimes we just need to be realistic with what is in front of us. Setup a timeline for your discernment and at the end of it make your decision. Sometimes the answer won’t be clear cut but at least you are making strides towards the Lord.

3. Know that God is there
My one desire is to be where God is. In all decisions that we make the Lord never leaves us. Therefore what ever we decide on, the Lord is there.

Just remember that when making big decisions it always better to do it when you are in a state of grace. A person is more likely to make good decisions in good times. So don’t make big decisions in bad times, because most likely one will make a bad decision.

My hope for all is that we always follow the will of the Lord and for this to happen we must continue to strive to be in a relationship with the Lord. Even in times when we don’t feel like doing much, still the Lord is there.

 “You have called me higher, You have called me deeper and I will go where you lead me Lord.” – All Sons & Daughters

And with that, may God be forever praised!

 

The more I think about leading the upcoming CLP for SFC Vancouver West Chapter, the more I am constantly drawn to our mother. The Lord blessed me with such an amazing counterpart (no joke Charf) and such an awesome counterpart duo (Paolo and Laurie – one of a kind) to help serve the Lord through these participants.

The theme of our CLP is Rejoice and it comes form Luke 1:47 after the Angel Gabriel announces to Mary that she will give birth to the Saviour of the World:

“And my Spirit rejoices in God my Saviour.”

Rejoice – to feel or show great delight. I would say that I am a person that exudes joy, so much joy that allows others to feel joy in their own lives despite the situation that they are in. I can turn a situation around with a smile, a joke, and a laugh. Recently, not so much. I let my insecurities take over my perception of me and the world around me to the point where I think I am not worthy of anything, not even love from the Lord. Sometimes, I think I am so alone in my life journey. I don’t want to have my problems be a burden to others in their state of happiness.

I constantly think about what Mary’s life was like – knowing that she was meant for something greater than she could have ever imagined for herself; knowing that she was to conceive of a child with the Holy Spirit; knowing the ridicule her husband would have received if word were to come out that he was not the father; knowing that 33 years later she would have to witness her Beloved Son beaten, tortured, harassed, scourged, mocked, despised, and spat on; knowing that in His last few hours she would have to look up at Him drenched in tears and cloaked in sadness and despair asking herself, “What could I have done to have spared Him such a fate?”

Even though our Mother and Queen was probably at the weakest she ever felt seeing her dying, butchered, mangled son, Jesus still found enough strength in all his being to give her the best son that could possibly take care of her. Even in his sweat and blood, in his failing strength, and weary spirit, Jesus loved His mother so much to do this for her.

When we are at our weakest, the Lord is at His strongest.

This entire week, the Lord has given me affirmation upon affirmation upon affirmation. He continues to show me how much He loves me by blessing me with so many people who truly love and care for me, who are willing to drop whatever they are doing whenever I need a friend, whether it’s through a simple text message (or series of messages), picking me up and taking me out to grab a bite to eat, or being seriously upfront with me no matter how hard the message was.

We are never alone in this world, Brothers and Sisters in Christ, for if God is for us, who can be against us. Let Mary and the Holy Spirit be your guide friends. They will help you see the way. And they will rejoice when you have found it.

Life tests us in two ways- with everything happening all at once, or having nothing happen at all.

For the past few months I feel like life has put my future on some sort of overdrive. I can’t seem to see anything past the next two steps. I have no choice but to deal with the now; otherwise I just end up driving myself to the ground. And today, I was reminded of just how human I am. So much is happening all at once, and amidst so much change I’m expected to keep calm and carry on.

Calm? 

—–

Plant stakes. Plant supports. Some plants can’t grow properly without having these structures to latch onto as they mature.

Two of my closest friends have been called to serve elsewhere, another has been asked to relocate and in a matter of hours, my mother has to travel halfway across the world to deal with a family emergency. In a short amount of time so many prominent women figures in my life will not be within my proximity anymore. And it scares me. 

Will I continue to grow upwards without my “plant supports“?

There have been so many people coming in and out. So many movements in my heart and I’ve always been a little slow in reacting. I drove to my parish and just missed the last ten minutes of adoration so I had no choice but to sit outside by Mary’s grotto. I looked right at her and voiced out all my frustrations. I told her I was scared of the idea that I’d have to bear one whole month without my own mom, the one who holds my family together. I’m scared of the idea of having to stand on my own without my sisters or their guidance. I’m scared of allowing this new person take care of me because it’s the first time I’ve ever really had to. I admitted to all of my fears, the reality of my weaknesses washing over me.

I let myself go. I let my fears escape the confines of my chest. I let out a sigh of relief.

And as I drove back home and entered my room, I found my Imitation of Mary face down on my bed on a random page. I opened it and it read:

I know that this is her way of reassuring me. Mother Mary is indeed a doting Mother, a mother who yearns for close company. The idea of being called to bloom where I am planted resonates in my heart again. I need to trust that my plant will be strong enough to stand without guides as long as I allow myself to be deeply rooted in Him. The deeper I journey into His Sacred Heart the stronger the fire will be. The stronger the fire, the more the heart will burn and consume the parts of my that need to be refined.

And by the end of it all would I not then come face to face with purest version of myself- the woman He designed me to be? I will never know who she is if I don’t allow the Lord to slowly unveil her to me.

That involves peeling away everything and everyone who was/is my comfort blanket(s).

Mother Mary, continue to be my fertilizer. Give me the confidence to persevere in my search for Christ. Allow the seeds of humility to grow in my heart so that I may continue to accept what your Son wants to give me with a joyful and grateful heart. Amen.

On my way to Israel, at my 15-hour layover in Rome, I had a lot of time to think… But being so closely knit to my own family at home, one of my main thoughts were: “How is it going to be like, adjusting to a new country, and adjusting to a completely new environment, with a completely new set of people?” My thought had been dwelling on how I would adjust and if it would still feel like home. Surely enough, upon arrival, the team clicked instantly with the family we’re staying with. We are able to play with their kids and even take care and (almost) put to sleep their 9-month-old baby. We’ve been enjoying our time, getting to know the AGT and other members of the CFC Community from CFC’s, to SFC’s, to YFC’s, and even the ever-joyful KFC’s… we began to realize that we are so blessed to easily adjust and have a HUGE family in the Community almost instantly! But then all this made me ask myself something…

What if it was never about how WE, as missionaries, could adjust?

If there is one simple thing that I could say I have been realizing so clearly in my journey thusfar, it would be this:

As missionaries, we are blessed TO BLESS and BE BLESSED.

Yes, we’ve been blessed to have been able to adjust to a family here, but the call goes beyond the work the community calls us to do as well. Being missionaries, we must live the lives they live. We must joyfully follow their lifestyle and be a part of it.

As missionaries, we are not only called to seek a family where we’re placed to do the mission, but to also be the family wherever we are to complete the mission.

We always hear, “IT ALWAYS BEGINS WITH THE FAMILY.” It’s because at home – in our own families – we learn the attitude love takes… a love that has the ability to be open, vulnerable, and instill the Spirit to begin something new. In the family, we learn the comfort of a place to call HOME.

In understanding the beauty and the blessings of a HOME, we later begin to understand that “HOME” expands beyond the physical and expounds in the heart. So from beginning with family, it then ultimately BEGINS WITH THE HEART.

In finding a HOME in our HEARTS, we are able to carry an understanding that our hearts (being a home) carry life. It is a shelter for something that is living/ alive – THE HOLY SPIRIT.

In acknowledging that the Holy Spirit LIVES in a HOME that is always with us (in our hearts), then we can only come to the conclusion that…

There ultimately lies a call to BRING LIFE wherever we go.

WE ARE BLESSED TO BLESS AND BE BLESSED. As a missionary, I have found it easy to adjust to where I am… I am joyfully blessed. But the ultimate call of a missionary is NOT SOLELY to complete the work alone, but to be able to bring Life – His Presence – wherever we are called. Being a missionary for Couples for Christ here in Israel, the vision cannot be more clear…

FAMILIES in the Holy Spirit renewing the face of the earth.

It’s back to the basics. Let it begin with FAMILY.

 

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
Holy Family, please continue to be our example, and pray for us!

BARUCH HASHEM!
(PRAISE BE TO GOD!)

Ever since I started really committing my own time into the community, it was only natural that I dreamed and began to pray for my own parents to make their way back in the community (My parents used to be CFC). It’s often rumbled in my own head if its something really for them, or if their experience in CFC really helped them. Note, If your parents are in CFC, cherish that. There are a lot of us praying for our own families to give the community we love a chance.

Anyways, I’ve always tried to be big on being an example to my family first. Especially my parents. I really want them to know that I’m convicted that the Lord works in my life through this community. I actually do let them know anything and everything (PG for getting over that), and I’m open to letting them know I’m praying for them.

And I guess here is where the blessings and tiny miracles happen…I know, you’re probably thinking, well…this guys weird. His parents aren’t even involved in the community.

Well that is wrong. They are immersed in my life and the God that is present in it through the examples the community has placed for me AND me to them. I can say straight up, CFC works. Even if my parents aren’t active in it for the time being, I really appreciate that it was CFC that has done its job in planting a seed and allowing my parents to be active in the faith even if time does not permit them being in the community itself.

With my cousin who has just left for mission in Israel, imagine the impact it made on our families. That all our work in the community finally got to this point where they were able to see one of us go with the heart convicted in the family ministries. That we are taking the steps that no one ever thought we’d take. Praise the Lord for the humility it takes for our families to be witnesses to the Lord’s calling in us.

So where are you trying to get at? It seems pretty scattered..

Let’s be examples to our families as much as we are servants in this community. If we are convicted so much in wanting to serve the Lord in CFC-Youth and it’s family ministries, then we won’t forget our own family at home. You never know where its going to lead. My own family is NOT involved with CFC at the time being, but with the examples we place, the love we put forth from everything we’ve learned in this community, I’m glad to say there has been change in how involved my parents are in my own life and their own spiritual life. Who knows where it will go from here…

but I’m going to keep pushing until the wheels fall off. 

Lord, allow me with the utmost humility and perseverance to be an instrument of Your word. To be a witness and example of Your work in my life, to my own family. Allow me to carry on with the mission recognizing that You are working even when I cannot see. To recognize that You are calling them, as how You have called to me. 

Deo Gloria